In many works written by female Egyptian authors one thing shines brighter than anything else: love. The lack of love, the importance of love, unrequited love…and the endless list of love-related terms goes on an on for what seems like eternity. Then of course there’s the classic case of the single Egyptian woman who hates her life and can’t get over the fact that she’s single…especially if she’s over the age of 30 or 25 even. But why is that? I strongly believe that a lot of literary works are influenced by social norms, culture and tradition…so if the literature is full to the brim with love-related issues, negative ones if associated with being single, then I can’t help but think that many of the women today must see their lives as being “incomplete” if they’re single. But why have women allowed themselves to stoop so low as to depend on men to that extent? Sure, we’d all like to be in a stable relationship someday…but what’s the rush? Parents already start grooming their daughters at an early age “just in case a good chance comes along.” Well, that’s excellent—you teach your daughter how to eat in public, dress in public, speak in public…everything in public! But how about adding onto that how she should be proud of herself, how she should enjoy her life no matter what happens and, above all, how she should love herself? Over the years I’ve met hundreds of girls who mainly complain about the same thing: “we’re single and hating it.” But why can’t they “be single and loving it?” Think about it…if you want to go shopping, you can …if you’d rather visit an art gallery you can do that too…if you’re trying to get an MA or a PhD…you can dive right into it! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-men or anti-relationships, let alone love…as a matter of fact, I’m often labeled a “hopeless romantic,” waiting for my prince charming to show up on my doorstep riding a white horse then to whisk me off to an enchanted palace where we’ll live happily ever after. But until that happens, why the complaints? A young, talented and beautiful woman—and believe me, you all are young, talented and beautiful in different ways—should be able to embrace being single and realize that she can have the time of her life! No shackles, no commitments! Eventually we’ll all settle down, but until we start hearing wedding bells, we should learn to channel our energy into more productive, useful and enjoyable things while we have the time…because you never know, you might meet your Mr. Perfect tomorrow, and yes, you’ll have an amazing life together…but while you’re single, you could have an incredible one too.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
“I’m In Love With You”…Ten Years Later?
We’ve all heard romantic stories and tales about two people who meet at a wrong time and at a wrong age, then are separated due to circumstances, only to reunite once again—say ten years later—fall deeply in love, and live happily ever after. But why or how does that happen? What makes things so different ten years later? They’re still the same people, right? I for one truly believe that people don’t really change—sure they may loose or gain weight, dye or cut their hair…as a matter of fact, they may change their appearance entirely—but deep down inside they’re still the same people. Ok…if these people dated ten years ago but were forced to break up and reunite later on in life, then it does somewhat make sense to me that they take a leap into the life of matrimony or at least into a long-term relationship. But what about two people who were just friends? And, according to live examples all around me, it’s not related to how much time these two spend together after the decade of knowing nothing about each other…it all lies in “the gaze,” that first look or glance that they cast upon each other when they meet again. Picture a classic romantic film, where, in a moment of silence, a blink of an eye, you see only the eyes of the actors on the screen—and boom! It all takes off from there. It is vital to acknowledge that “the gaze,” is a term that is widely used in postmodern philosophy and psychoanalysis, then again it appears in Sufi literature and teachings along with other religious traditions. In a religious context, “the gaze” is seen as being a gift, or a blessing, from the Divine—His gaze illuminates us and helps us on our path of knowledge, virtue—and in short, spiritual enlightenment. But for now I’m not concerned with the spiritual aspect of “the gaze,” in that sense—but think about it, why is it that one look can change everything and shock us to the core, flipping our world upside down? I can’t help but ask myself, who is in charge of that change? It doesn’t make sense to say that “the gaze” happens simultaneously between two people, one person must have inflicted it upon the other first. What I’m suggesting is that a certain look from one of the two entraps the second and thus gives birth to this newfound love, even after a decade of absence. Why it happens though I cannot really explain, or, to be honest with you, comprehend myself. Maybe it’s laced with nostalgia—along with a new level of attraction…and maybe it was there all along—a hidden, secretive feeling—but was expressed at a specific moment in time—when the time was right. But why is it so enchanting? The person who released “the gaze” clearly feels stronger about the other—since he or she took that courageous step of allowing his or her look to touch the other person’s soul—but is “the gaze,” in and of itself truly magical, or does the entrapped allow him or herself to be embraced by it because of how he or she sees him or herself reflected in “the gaze” of the Other?
In Response to Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera
“She felt an irresistible longing to begin life with him over again so that they could say what they had left unsaid and do everything right that they had done badly in the past.” (47)
I came across this remarkable quotation as I was reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s Love in the Time of Cholera and have allowed myself to recommend it to everyone out there who takes pleasure in reading- it truly is a marvelous work of literary art.
The splendid thing about novels or any type of literature in general, is that the reader can find a plethora of ways by which he/she can relate to the work. Whether it is an idea or a simple quotation that grasps our attention, it enables us to take a leap into our soul, allowing ourselves to explore the unknown, masked and long-forgotten mysteries and memories we have concealed within ourselves.
Now that I’ve managed to impose on you my immense love for the written form of expression, let me draw your attention once again to the quotation above.
Haven’t we all felt that way at one point in our lives- if not many more? Just when we think we’ve done “the right thing” or we’ve finally terminated a love affair that has been occupying our hearts and souls for God knows how long, a simple word or an innocent glance from our beloved can captivate us and wrap us in an enchanting spell, filled with daring and contradicting thoughts and ideas. In other words, it could turn our world upside down, forcing us to rethink everything, as well as filling us with the desire to turn back time- to be given a second chance to “make it right.”
Unfortunately, we usually get this feeling when it’s “too late,” at least according to our earthly measurements of time.
We tend to conceal certain thoughts or feelings form one another for various and usually ridiculous reasons; maybe we fear it will allow our vulnerability to shine through, maybe we’re afraid of criticism, or maybe we’re just too damn stubborn to say the right thing at the time it is needed to be said.
I bet many of you who are reading my words are experiencing certain feelings of sadness and regret as the memories of those “lost moments” vigorously start to resurface. But here’s the thing: I “forced” these memories, which you’ve locked away for such a long time, out of you, because I wanted you to remember how much you miss that person you foolishly decided to hide your feelings from- and that is the foundation you need so you can courageously and boldly follow my advice:
Come to think of it…there’s no such thing as a “too late” or a “lost moment.” They only exist because we enrich them with imprudent and foolish actions throughout our lives until they are as vast as the western desert! Then, we use them as an excuse for loosing our best friend, our boyfriend or any important person in our lives; we hear ourselves uttering words such as “if only” and “the moment was gone,” which, again, are not valid reasons. In the world we live in, time has become an obsession, if not a strict doctrine or even as sacred as a religious belief, if I may say so- it has become a fatal disease!
If you care enough about the person who’s floating around aimlessly in your ocean of thoughts (and clearly you do, since you’re feeling remorseful), then just click on the “delete” button and rid yourself of the “lost moments” that society has managed to embed in our brains.
Take a risk! It’s the point at which the rollercoaster called life flips you around 360 degrees, exhilarating and exciting, filling you to the brim with energy. It’s that extra pinch of spice that makes an excelled tomato juice stand out.
Pick up the phone! Call your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancée or husband/wife (or ex, if it’s gotten to that point), your friend, your mom, your sibling, your dad- whoever it is that has been a victim of this crime against love, creating an obstacle for it to flourish. Tell them how much you care and how much you really love them, because you never know…you many never get another chance to say it!
It’s risky…I know…but isn’t love a risky business?
And if you don’t think that love is worth risking
Your entire existence…then what is?
Think about it…and don’t forget to call!
Trust me, you won’t regret it!
Just a Thought… (1)
“No man can reveal to you nothing but that which already lies half-asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.”—Kahlil Gibran
Each one of us has great potential—as a matter of fact, I will go so far as to say that each one of us can become whoever and whatever he wants to become. There’s no such thing as “impossible.” We were all created by God—he breathed his air of perfection into our existence—and yet, we still go on…mumbling day after day…that we can’t do this or we just don’t get that. But having read through several spiritual texts and studied several doctrines, I have to object. Why? It’s simple. If we are, in fact, created by a perfect, unchanging, eternal and Supreme Being, then we must carry within us a speck of the divine. And if the latter is the case, then how is it possible that we can’t acquire whichever skill we long for? I just finished reading St. Augustine’s On Christian Teaching, and again he emphasizes that we are full to the brim with knowledge and insight; the divine is not revealed to us out of nowhere, on the contrary, it already lies within us, and on the set date it appears—from within. And yet, we fail to recognize it and thus do not grow to reach our full potential. Martin Heidegger, the German philosopher, also stressed potentiality, giving it greater weight than actuality. I could go on and on about the credible sources that support this theory, but it would truly be a waste of time. The same applies to Gibran’s quote, “no man can reveal to you nothing but that which already lies half-asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.” We already know everything—it’s already there, resting within our souls—what we lack, however, is the key to unlock the doors that keep these mysteries safe—but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. As children we learned to walk, talk, go to the bathroom, change our clothes, then later we learned how to study, to dress properly and to have intellectual conversations—but we already had all of that within ourselves—and when the time was right, we suddenly got up and walked, we uttered the first “mama,” we ran to the bathroom for the first time, we started matching our clothes, started getting As or failing, began wearing the proper attire to match whichever occasion…and the list goes on. These “habits” or “acquired knowledge” didn’t just “appear.” Think about it. Does it really make sense to say that you learned everything you know because someone taught you? Sure, they guided you, helped you unlock the door, but if these things didn’t already dwell inside you—if you weren’t full of potential—don’t you think that no matter how hard they had tried, you still wouldn’t have acquired whichever skill they wanted you to learn?
The Change of a Person...the Change of a Nation
Change. One of the most common words used everyday...in different contexts. "I need to change this or that," or "my boyfriend/girlfriend has to change," and the list goes on and on. But I don't intend to talk about my personal life or yours for that matter...I'm talking about our city...our country...our historical, gorgeous country, where the sun is always shining and the warm people are always smiling. Take a moment to think about that...in the general sense, people are always helpful, ready to give more and...most importantly...smiling. Nevertheless, when faced with corruption--in any of its forms--be it theft, cheating, conspiracy or lying...we naturally blame it on whatever comes to mind, among which are lack of education, healthcare, order, organization...and so on and so forth. But honestly, and don't hate me for saying this, that's not the way I see it. Ok, I cannot deny that all of the latter issues are a problem...and a big one if I may say so...but, rephrasing Epictetus, the Greek stoic slave and philosopher, as well as the Buddha, we should not mourn things we cannot change...and the latter include everything that doesn't lie within our very being...the only things we actually can change and should try to change are within ourselves...we can work with our minds, our hearts and our souls...other than that, we're just fooling ourselves. So, the first step towards any successful change has to come from within. All the flaws you point out in other people are probably ones you will find in yourself...whether it's jealousy, anger, nervousness, cheating or lying...you need to work on changing yourself first! I'm not an angel...and I don't claim to be one...and neither are you...after all, we're only human...but what is a human being? We're a combination of clay and a breath of the Divine...doesn't that say something to you? We're not just composed of matter...we're not just an earthly body...that will die, I assure you...but your soul will live on forever...you carry within you a breath of the Divine and you don't even realize it! You can do anything you want...achieve anything you dream of...your potentiality is endless...you just have to realize it and tap into it. If you're not comfortable with that idea, think of it differently...your legacy--if your reputation is a good one--will definitely outlive you...which is why we still study religion, philosophy, literature...etc. So, taking you back to my initial point...I don't think that any of us can change our country's situation by only trying to fix the educational or healthcare system...sure, do those too, but first, work on yourself...on yourself then on those around you...teach them loyalty, truthfulness, compassion, kindness, moderation and modesty...but you cannot teach anyone those things until you learn them yourself.
They way I see it, is that if you succeed in changing yourself, and then succeed in guiding and even changing others, the rest will all naturally follow...because as the person changes, so will the system.
At the Spa
Just a few days ago, I was at a fabulously luxurious spa (I'm sure you can guess which spa I'm talking about). Finally...some "me" time...some time to relax. As I changed into my bathrobe and slippers I was strangely serene, looking forward to a few hours of pampering and...well...relaxation. The stillness of the place was overwhelmingly comforting, along with the enchanting scent coming from the raw cinnamon sticks that were elegantly placed in every corner. As my masseuse led me to the private room, walking steadily and of course calmly, whispering a word here and there i could finally "breathe." Then, as I entered the dimly-lit room she explained that my scrub is composed of chocolate (yum!), rice and lemon...then, she added that following the latter she'd give be a full-body massage but that i had a pick between five oils, which she'd then use. Of course, I picked the one which is supposed to ease distress. As i got on the bed and she started working her magic...to my surprise...I could only think of who I had to interview next, which article I have to write, my sister, my mother, my dog...and the list goes on and on. So I decided "ok, I'm gonna stop thinking and I'll try to turn on my Buddhist 'light' and meditate..." but...NOTHING! The thoughts just kept on flooding in...I simply couldn't relax. There I was...in the most relaxing atmosphere...and I just couldn't stop thinking! And, of course, once I got home, I decided to put my dilemma in words. Have I...or have we...become so used to constantly worrying, constantly stressing and constantly being under pressure that we can no longer relax...even if the setting screams "relaxation?" Is it truly that difficult to just let it go...even if only for a few hours? I always thought that if I found myself at a relaxing spot (say, a spa!), I would just naturally "chill," but, unfortunately, I was physically incapable of doing so! Is it a matter of practice? Do I have to go to a spa every week to train myself to relax? I'm sure some of you reading my column think I'm crazy, and that it's "easy" and "natural" to relax, but trust me, it's easier said than done. So think about it...thanks to the stresses of our everyday lives...have we lost the ability to relax?
A Chosen Death
What exactly does the word “death” mean? According to modern dictionaries, a standard definition involves the words “extinct,” “stop,” “not working,” and so on…in relation to an organism or being. The latter only addresses the physical death—that of the departure of a soul from its body, diving into the unknown realms of existence. But what about the other type of death? That of the still-living and still-breathing organisms which cease to exist due to a plethora of other reasons? The complete eradication or deletion of a person from one’s memory…of a living person that is…would that not also mark his or her death? Surely it would. For in the memory-holder’s life or vision, that erased being has lost its place—it is tucked somewhere into the mind’s attic and that’s where it is intended to rest. Undeniably, what leads to such “killing” is an unhealed wound or an invisible bruise—possibly a scarred heart or a painful incident—whatever the reason may be, it is strong enough to necessitate the death.
The same happens with an “actual” death. The deceased is brought into focus only if the person, the thinker, chooses to do so—until he or she is finally left to rest in peace. They are both equally painful—the latter even more so than the former. For in the case of the former, the “actual” and somewhat “forced” farewell, is out of the living’s hands…one is faced with the loss and is forced to deal with it. Even if one is left with sadness, remorse, and in some cases a feeling of guilt and an endless river of “could-haves” and “might-have-beens,” in most cases it’s only a matter of time before the pain turns into a memory; only the good is remembered, the rest becomes history.
Nevertheless, the latter, the unfortunate “chosen” death, is more complicated and thus more painful. Yes, the “could-haves” and the “might-have-beens” also exist…but they lurk somewhere between the threads of memory and those that the person tries to rip apart—asserting their presence every once in a while. The sufferer chooses to erase a painful memory—one that is hauntingly dreadful—while being aware that the “deceased” in this case is actually still alive, roaming the earth like a proud troubadour…and yet, he or she cannot be kept alive in that person’s memory and so is pushed into the bottom of the well. But this death is not a restful one—the live memories always resurface and fill the pained with tears and bloody froth—only to be shoved back into the drenched box of memories…where the willingly dead roam until their final departure—but do they ever truly disappear?