A Second Chance?

“I am here again, in a familiar place feeling something I've felt before, wondering why it's still here, why I didn't deal with it more fully before. But I'm glad I have a second chance at it ... and I know that if I need a third chance, I'll get it. I also know that if it comes up again, I'll recognize it sooner and deal with it more readily. This is growth. And, I am happy to be alive.” – Jan Denise

Why is it that a lot of people look down upon second chances?  If you give someone a second chance you are criticized for being “stupid,” “weak,” “desperate” or “confused”; words like “hopeful,” “optimistic,” and “strong” don’t often come into the equation…my question is why?

I never used to believe in second chances, simply because like the majority of you out there I thought of them as time-wasters.  Nevertheless, over the past few months, I’ve come to understand the importance and value of giving others–as well as ourselves–second chances.  Of course, the latter is not always applicable.  So when should you not give someone a second chance?  For starters, if that person hasn’t changed–and you haven’t either–then clearly, there’s no point because if both of you are exactly the same, then–obviously–the end result will be the same as well.  If however, even one of you changed, then a second chance may be your best option.  Furthermore, if both of you are more or less still the same but the circumstances changed (assuming in this case the they were the main impediment), then–again–a second chance is worth a shot.

Now that I got that out of the way, back to my initial question: why do “second chances” have a rather negative connotation?  I personally believe that one who is willing to give it a second try (if not a third and fourth), is strong, courageous, hopeful and optimistic.  Those who choose not to even contemplate the idea of second chances are–most likely (and again, this is based on close observation–afraid…to get hurt, to get disappointed…and the list goes on; in short, the second-chance-giver isn’t the stupid or weak one, on the contrary, he or she is actually the stronger and wiser one (assuming that the case falls into one of the categories previously discussed).  

Keeping an open mind is key.  It also allows you to live your life to the fullest, welcome new (and renewed) experiences, makes you more tolerant and understanding, and definitely makes you see things from numerous aspects, as opposed to he or she that is solely focused on one strict path for whatever reason.

Of course, if I directly ask one of the many who choose to not keep an open mind and refrain from giving second chances for the hell of it, why that is the case, they will most likely not say “I’m afraid.”  Instead, they’ll claim to be “wise for learning from past mistakes,” and “intelligent for not wasting (their) time.”  For me, that’s definitely hiding behind a veil.  I’m not saying that the subject is lying; in most cases I believe that he or she isn’t even aware of the matter!  When we get hurt, we find it very difficult to “let go.”  Even if we claim to have gotten over it, the truth always shines forth through our actions (and not to mention, our eyes as well).  The latter is the reason why I understand that for some people it’s very difficult to keep an open mind and allow for second chances to take place; they’ve been hurt before (maybe more than once) and thus will do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening again.  They build a wall to keep themselves safe…but…don’t they realize that by walling themselves in, they’re also walling everyone else out?  

If we don’t allow ourselves to feel…if we don’t allow ourselves to experience intense emotions…then we aren’t really alive, are we?