Just a Thought....(6)

"The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom."

- Arthur Schopenhauer 

(1788-1860), German Philosopher

A friend of mine sent me this quote by Arthur Schopenhauer in an e-mail a few days ago...and, well...it got me thinking.

As we all know, from experience and from the stories of others, pain is inescapable.   According to the Buddha, the fact that pain–or suffering–exists, is the first of his four noble truths.  Whether physical or psychological, it's a part of life, and it takes place every day in hundreds of different ways, with some needing more time than others to subside.  When we experience pain, we often see it as negative; we complain, cry, wonder "why"...in short, we hate it!  But let's think about it differently.  Isn't pain the thing that shakes us to the core and "wakes us up"?  Yes, it is definitely unpleasant, but look beyond it; what happens after the pain?  Look at your past experiences: breakups, failures, deaths...and the list goes on...where are you now?  How did those painful events shape you?  Speaking for myself, I can firmly assert that every single painful experience I went through made me the person I am today; I'm one who carries her scars with pride, why?  Because I definitely learned a valuable lesson, and if I still don't know what that lesson exactly is, I'll find out in due time.  Other than making us stronger, pain serves another purpose: it makes us appreciate things we previously took for granted.  It polishes your soul and your spirit, raises your attentiveness and makes you more aware and alert of your thoughts and actions.

What about boredom? I would say that boredom is worse than pain.  Why?  Well, as I previously mentioned, I can clearly see the "purpose" of the existence of pain, but why does boredom exist?  In my opinion, boredom is more hopeless.  I am aware that it is escapable, nevertheless, what are the lessons learned when one comes out of it? It is a state of numbness; no contemplation, no thinking and no acting, in short, when a person is bored and does nothing about it, i.e. succumbs to a state of boredom, what could he or she possibly learn from it other than the existence, or the feeling, of boredom?

Little White Lies?

What is a “white lie”?  The common answer that will probably pop into everyone’s mind is “a lie that doesn’t intend to hurt anyone.  A lie that isn’t really a lie.”  But how can it not “really” be a lie?  Think about it…after all, it is  called a white lie!

I’m not claiming to be the epitome of honesty and truthfulness…after all, I’m only human, and so are you. Sometimes we choose to lie – and sometimes it just “happens” – when we’re scared of loosing or disappointing someone, not in the mood to get into a fight…and the list goes on.  

For those of you who claim to have never lied, I challenge you.  I’m sure that – at least once – you’ve told your parents that the reason you’re past your curfew is because “there was an accident on the bridge.”  Right?  Another example:  you’ve probably told your boss that the reason you’re late for work is because your car wouldn’t start or that you couldn’t find a parking space.  Then of course there are the relationship-related “white lies.”  Those are evident when a girl tells her boyfriend (about some guy they just ran into), “oh, he’s just a friend,” when – in fact – she had a major crush on him back in the day and he wasn’t “just a friend.”  Or the other scenario, “I’m going to be late at work, so I won’t be able to make it to the doctor’s appointment with you,” which could also mean “I’m going to the movies with my best friend.”  The list goes on and on…but you get my point.  So far, these white lies seem harmless…all they do is save you time, energy and many arguments, right?  Well…what if your significant other, mother, father, boss or best friend found out that you’re lying?  I don’t think they’re going to understand that it was a “little white lie.”  As a matter of fact (and yes, this is from experience), all hell will break loose!  

Then again, as I previously mentioned, we’re human, and it’s a natural reflex to want to get out of trouble.  But what happens when one of those little white lies turns into a big black one?  What if Mr. K (I just like using the letter K.) decides to come up with a few little white lies to captivate Ms. N (again, it’s just a random letter)?  Now, to go on with the scenario; K. produces white lie after white lie over a span of an entire year; of course, N. falls head over heels for K.  Before she knows it, poof!  The K. she fell for disappears.  Instead, she’s faced with an ugly, mean, selfish version of the incredible K, and – of course – she’s heartbroken.  

And that’s just one of the scenarios that take place every single day when we think it’s ok to lie.  Again, I know it happens, we’re all guilty of it, but all I’m asking you to do is to think twice before choosing to lie; you never know how deeply you might end up scarring someone who actually fell for your “white lies.”  

A Tale of Spiritual Growth and the Discovery of Love

Those who know me, are very much aware that I’m not the type of person to sit down and read a novel—I’m into more complex works.  Nevertheless, while reading Paulo Coelho’s By the River Piedra I sat Down and Wept, I couldn’t put it down.  I deeply connected with the words on each page—the events, the ideas, and even the blank spaces spoke to me in a way I couldn’t have foreseen.  A young man and woman—childhood friends—reunite.  She still lives in their hometown while he has grown to be a renowned spiritual leader.  They embark on a journey together—one of spiritual growth for her and for him, a journey of self-discovery—yet both combine to form a journey of love—a path of discovering the unity of two souls as one—under the umbrella of the utmost human emotion—namely love.

Rather than going into detailed description of the plot and a character analysis of each of the figures present, I decided to do something different.  Instead, I picked out a few quotations from the chapters—which are all in journal-entry form—on which I will further elaborate.

“I can read your eyes.  I can read your heart.  You are going to fall in love.”

So it’s true—the rather overused expression-turned-cliché—the eyes are the windows to the soul.  But what is it about eyes?  No matter how you try to hide it in words, your eyes can never lie, which leads me to another statement that drew me into the work; “No one can lie, no one can hide anything when he looks directly into someone’s eyes.” Rings true, doesn’t it? Whether you’re trying to hide love or hate—or any other emotion for that matter—once you look into that other person’s eyes your shield is broken—regardless of the harsh, or fake, mask you’re trying to get away with.

“It’s a very simple sentence, he said. I love you.”

Three words—three “simple” words—but are they really so easy to utter?  Some do it with such delight—such airiness—while others seem to struggle to even think of love, let alone confess it.  Bear in mind, that the man is the one who said these words so simply…and at that point in the novel, she, the young woman, wasn’t even sure of her feelings yet—and he knew it, but as an answer to her comment, “you’re mistaken about my feelings,” he said “no, I’m not mistaken.  I know you don’t love me.  But I’m going to fight for your love.”  Then he continued, “there are some things in life that are worth fighting for.  You are worth it.” Now, honestly speaking, how many men do you know that would be brave enough to say that to the woman they love?  How many men love a woman so much, so deeply, and are truly ready to give her their all?  Sure, men throw “I love you”s at as all the time—but do they really mean it?  Think about it!

“Neither of us had said anything.  Love doesn’t need to be discussed; it has its own voice and speaks for itself.” Sometimes, you fall into a relationship and end up falling out of it because you no longer have fun together—you no longer enjoy each other’s company and even if you’re at the trendiest spot in town you still manage to feel bored and upset.  But then, at other times—if you’re lucky—you could stay home with your partner; watching a movie or just gazing at each other in silence…and you feel like you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  If you’re one of the blessed ones—lucky enough to fall under the second umbrella—then give thanks to the superior powers because sometimes a silent hug or a deep kiss followed by a comforting embrace are everything you need.

“Waiting is painful.  Forgetting is painful.  But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”  The in-between—the purgatory on earth.  It’s not by coincidence that the torturous purgatory according to the Christian faith lies in the middle between heaven and hell, nor that the di-ference of the German philosopher Martin Heidegger lies between the heavens and earth—even the color gray—the undefined—lies between black and white! The middle is always the hardest place to be in—you don’t know what to do, where to go—where to start and when to move—back or forth, that is.

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.”

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe your biggest sorrows and worries are the hopes and dreams of others?  While in a good mood, probably yes, and you thank God and the heavens above for being on your side.  But what about when you’re feeling down and lonely?  Do you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, you’re one of the lucky ones?  I’m not saying that your problems are minimal—in fact, they may be grave—because we are all different, and my problems may appear as a grain of salt while to me they look like huge sand dunes.  But it’s ok—bear the following in mind. As a closing for my article, I want you to remember this: each problem is an opportunity—a blessing is disguise—no matter what happens, it was meant to happen to help you grow—jus don’t give up and allow your spirit to develop.  Enrich it with love and passion—don’t be an empty shell focused on role-playing and appearances—take risks—whether in your career, your love life or your everyday life—and I promise you, that you will grow—embark on the journey of self-discovery and love with courage and passion.  

The Courage to “Be”

“The world lies in the hands

of those who have the courage to dream

and who take the risk of living out their dreams

-each according to his or her own talent.”

- Paulo Coelho, The Valkyries

I want to dedicate this piece to You.  The You who is both body and soul, but more importantly soul—the You who encompasses a true, unique gift that maybe no one recognizes or understands; the creative You, undoubtedly a spring of knowledge, ideas, perceptions and visions—that could benefit everyone and anyone.  And above all, the You who is forced to keep silent when there’s a lot to say—this is dedicated to the Unheard.

In this money-oriented world we live in, everything seems to revolve around the big bucks—but honestly, do you truly believe that a piece of paper with a few scribbles, changing from country to another, could be the source of your ultimate, timeless happiness?  Because, honestly speaking, what is this “thing” that people always encourage you to pursue?  Literally speaking, a pound, a dollar, a yen or any currency is basically the same—a small, rectangular piece of paper.  Paper!  And I’m sure you know that you’re worth a lot more than scrap.  

Take a look around you—closely analyze the lives of your friends and family, who probably all have well-paying jobs.  How many of them can you call “happy?”  I understand that it’s an extremely wide, and overused, term.  Nonetheless, how many of them aren’t filled with grudges and disharmony because of their daily routines?  I’m more than certain that only one or two of them chose their current occupation because it’s what they’ve always dreamed of doing.  Most of them are doing it for the cash.  And, please excuse my language, I find it quite pathetic.  It saddens me that so many people, who are filled with enormous potential to excel in many fields, resort to certain jobs because of the paycheck they so proudly tuck away in their pockets every month.  

Speaking from experience, I know a doctor who gave up his practice to pursue his true passion—landscaping.  This incredible man excelled tremendously in his job—and eventually, the money started flowing in, more so than ever!  His decision was undoubtedly frowned upon by his colleagues, but now, more than a decade later, he’s happier than ever—which gives you something to think about.  

I know about a handful of people who would make excellent painters, sculptors, writers and actors—but sadly enough, due to pressures and constraints, they were forced to study Business, Engineering or Medicine—how do you think they did?  Some of them did ok…some actually did really well as a result of torturously long hours of studying…and others simply failed—in the traditional sense.  In my opinion, they all failed—because they went against their nature.  Even if our ultimate goal is “happiness,” “satisfaction,” or “success,” the most important aspect of our existence is to harmonize ourselves; and believe me, you will never attain harmony unless you allow your spirit to grow, evolve and express itself.  No matter how many Jimmy Choo heels or Gucci bags you own, even if you’re driving the newest Mercedes or if you live in a mansion with its own private lake, you’ll never be truly happy if you’re not fulfilling your personal destiny.  

I’m not suggesting that you throw away your whole life, and I’m definitely not attacking any business-related jobs—because if may just be the right nourishment for your soul.  As I mentioned earlier, this article is dedicated to the Unheard—those of you who are aware of their nature and who realize that as the days go by, they’re only moving farther away from it.  Remember, there’s nothing wrong with having different interests than almost everyone around you…because they probably do but don’t realize it yet; maybe they’re simply lazy or too scared to go against the “right” targets that people think they should aim at.  If you feel trapped in this prison called the “they,” maybe it’s about time you broke out of your shackles—and wherever your soul will guide you, success, happiness, satisfaction, and most importantly harmony, will surely follow. 

You Can Never Miss a Chance

When it comes to relationships–for some reason–we usually compare the present one we're in to a past one...and unfortunately, especially if the current one is going down the drain...we start to question ourselves..."did I really give up 'the one'...did i turn my back on a chance instead of grabbing onto it?"  

I, for one, don't believe in lost chances.  I strongly believe in fate and in the power of the universe...or the order of the universe at least.  I also believe that everything happens for a reason.  I don't believe in lost chances for a very simple reason...if you meet someone, start dating for a while then break up, then the chance wasn't lost...quite simply, that person wasn't right for you.

I know this is easier said than done...and we all have one "ideal" person in our lives that was "perfect" for us...that one person we always compare everyone else to and that one person we can't really get over...but why is that?  Whether you got dumped or you were the one who initiated the break up, it was bound to happen...even if he (or she) was "perfect" in your eyes.  

Allow me to share a personal story with you (and I asked for permission before I could do so).  A very close friend of mine–a smart, beautiful, kind and sweet girl–met the "love of her life" six years ago.  They dated for a year then, for no apparent reason, he dumped her for somebody else–someone less smart, less beautiful, less kind and less sweet.  Needless to say, she was heartbroken...as a matter of fact, it took her five years (seriously, five years) before she could talk about the story without bursting into tears.  So, what was so special about this guy?  According to her, he was smart, gentle, sweet, caring, kind, hardworking, deep-thinking...and the list goes on.  She worshiped him...and if I could find a stronger word to describe her situation I would!  

But, Mr. Perfect didn't remain that way for long.

Only this year did she find out that he was forced to change his field of study because he failed miserably, he had stopped being a hard worker, his thoughts now composed of girls, bars and parties, he became selfish and he got himself into a handful of problems.  At first, she was shocked...but only now did she come to realize that this wasn't a missed chance.  Her image of him was perfect, but–as it turns out–he wasn't perfect at all...and come to think of it, she would never think twice about seriously dating him.  

So, what's the point of this story?  It's very simple: missed chances do not exist, if you "missed" it, it just wasn't right for you, and one day–maybe today, tomorrow or next year–you'll find out exactly why.  

Just a Thought....(5)

Why do some people choose to turn their backs on love because their emotions "freak them out"?  Is that even a valid reason?  Is loneliness the better alternative to letting oneself "go"?  

I, for one, am a big believer in the infamous four-letter-word.  And yes, I still believe that it makes the world go 'round.  I also believe that anyone who turns his or her back on love is a complete fool, and loneliness isn't the punishment deserved; it's not strong enough...at least, that's what I think.

So many people go through life without falling in love, and I truly feel sorry for them...they didn't meet the right person...maybe...and in that case, they're not to blame.  There are, however, those who willingly choose to look the other way when hit by Cupid's arrow.  According to what I've read about Greek and Roman mythology, there was no escape once Cupid (or Eros, as he's known to the Greeks) decided to poke someone's behind with one of his arrows...they'd fall in love no matter what.  Nowadays, however, according to personal experience as well as that of the people around me, there are so many people (according to what I've seen, men) who, once the realize that they do care about another person and that they might be willing to sacrifice their bachelor life for a settled one, they shun away and turn into cowardly dogs.  It looks like we need more than a handful of young boys with wings to break those dogs.

The question is: why?  I do understand that living as a bachelor, going through girls like a kid goes through a box of candy is fun, but it is short-lived; they're not going to be young forever, and eventually they will need to share their lives with someone.  The popular response "I'm still young"; fair enough, but what if this was "the One" and you chose to run away from your feelings for her instead of being a man and speaking up?  All I know is that those who get to experience love are very lucky and truly blessed...as for those who willingly turn their backs on love, they're better off dead. 

Just a Thought...(4)

“Life is present in the moment.  Illusion is a thought of life in the past or the future, both of which do not exist in reality.  The past is gone and will never return and the future is not a reality…when it becomes a reality it is the present.” – Dr. Shems Friedlander

Read the above quotation closely...and think about it.  The person who I'm quoting here is Dr. Shems Friedlander, one of the few inspiring professors I studied under as an undergraduate student at the American University in Cairo.  A true artist in every sense...

Think about it...so many around us...if not we ourselves...live in the past...we recount numerous memories (for some reason, mostly sad ones) and we willingly pour salt into our open wounds to make sure that they never heal!  We compare our present to the past, always shedding light on the latter, making sure that we ruin the present moment...which is, actually, all we truly have!  

Then there are those of us who only daydream about the future..."tomorrow I'll do this..." or "tomorrow I'll say that..." It's all about "tomorrow," but what about "today?"  Without "today"...without the "now," there will be no "tomorrow!"  

Even the Buddha himself stressed on the present, labeling it the only reality.  So why is it that so many of us seem to grant the past and the future much more importance than the present?  We hang on to bits of string from our past and drag it into our today and then grasp them too strongly while dreaming about the future...but what's the point?

The past is...just as its name implies...past!  It's gone!  So why dwell on it?  I'm not telling you to throw away your memories...as a matter of fact, I'll go so far as to tell you that you should cherish them and learn from them...whether good or bad...but don't live as if they were here today!  The same goes for the future; I'm not telling you to give up your dreams...I'm a dreamer and I definitely believe in dreaming...but I also believe in hard work, determination, appreciation and...the present!  Without the present there will be no future.

And so, with that all said...the present is what is important...it is the only thing that counts...if you don't make use of what you have today...if you don't appreciate what is here now and enjoy it...then you'll be left with yesterday's tears and tomorrow's groundless dreams.