When is it Time to STOP?

“There is always a right moment to stop something.”- Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

When is it time to stop?   Furthermore, how is this moment measured?  Does it vary according to the situation at hand…or is it based on the person in the given situation?  Are there any rules?  While asking these questions I am very aware of one thing: it’s very hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does, which is why making the decision to stop could take years.  Nevertheless, in some situations–let’s say when love dies, for example–it’s rather obvious and easy to put an end to the whole shebang.

Generally speaking, the longer you are a couple, the harder it is.  I’m sure you all know from personal experience or from the experience of others that sometimes–even if you know that the relationship you’re in is utterly destructive–making up your mind to stop trying doesn’t come easily.  Nevertheless, nothing is impossible, and every wound eventually heals; remember, the sooner you make the decision to “stop” (after having given it your all, of course, since you don’t want to suffer from regret or remorse), the less painful it will be.  Please note, that before you decide to walk out on a relationship, you have to do two things first: listen and talk, in one word, communicate.  Don’t just make the decision to call it quits because your partner is guilty of one of the sins below, because sometimes he or she might genuinely be unaware of the crime he or she is committing.  This takes me back to my initial question: when is it time to stop?

Thou Shalt Not Resort to Excuses

The moment excuses take up a big chunk of your dialogues and thoughts, it’s about time to stop.  Why?  Well, whenever we make–or give–excuses, something’s definitely wrong.  Excuses start to appear hand-in-hand with problems, both conscious and subconscious ones.  Think about it, when do you make excuses?  You make them when you’re aware that you’re not really giving the relationship your all; the moment your partner senses the latter, he or she starts blaming you, and thus you start blurting out your list of well-known excuses.  You start, however, giving excuses, when you subconsciously (most of the time) sense that your partner is drifting away from you but you’re still not ready to deal with the matter.  You tell yourself “he or she just had a rough day at work, that’s why I didn’t get the regular evening phone call,” or “he/she is exhausted and needs some sleep that’s why we won’t go out to dinner tonight,” and the list goes on.  I’m aware that in some cases both excuses are actually valid, but when they start happening on a regular basis, then it’s likely that they’re just plain, lame excuses.

Thou Shalt Not Insult

By insults I don’t mean “you idiot,” when it’s in a joking context, of course, but I know of several couples (whose anonymity I will respect), where one of the two started gradually insulting the other on a regular basis.  This is not acceptable.  The moment this starts happening, you need to talk about it first and–if it doesn’t change the situation–then you need to walk out and slam the door, NOW!

Thou Shalt Not Offend

By offending I don’t mean insulting.  Offenses aren’t necessarily insults, as we know them, they’re usually subtler, yet more hurtful and definitely more demeaning.  If your partner starts to hint at your weak spots every time you argue, you should know that this is intentional, especially if it happens more than once.  Furthermore, if he or she constantly tries to put you down and underestimate your capabilities, it may be subconscious, but it is still definitely offensive.  Again, you need to point the latter out to your partner.  No matter what you do, don’t try to offend him or her in return, justifying your act by telling yourself that you just want him or her to feel how hurtful it is.  The moment you commit this sin you no longer have the right to complain.  Nevertheless, if after talking about it your partner still insists on offending you–whether directly or indirectly–you definitely need to get up and run.  Offenses are destructive and could lead to permanent or semi-permanent damage, and I’m sure you don’t want that for yourself.

Thou Shalt Not Lie

Don’t convince yourself that a lie can be “white,” it can’t!  Even if it is harmless (which is not true in most cases), the fact that you or your partner resorted to lying resonates negativity: the moment you start lying highlights that you’re aware of an unwanted or unacceptable action and thus feel the need to hide it.  Once lies enter into the relationship you know something’s wrong!  Again, if you–or your partner–lie once it’s not really a sin, don’t overdo it.  But if this is a new trend, then you’d better watch out.

Thou Shalt Not Check Out Members of Your Partner’s Sex

I know that we’re all guilty of this sin.  We can’t help it when a drop-dead-gorgeous man or woman walks by, naturally we look, and that’s not what I’m talking about.  What I do think is worrisome, however, is if your partner constantly checks out members of the opposite sex while he or she is with you.  Picture having an intense conversation and catching your partner starting at someone else.  Again, if it happens once, it’s ok…we all make mistakes, but if it’s a common “thing,” then it’s time to wave “bye, bye.”

Thou Shalt Not Be Miserable

Mothers always tell us “the moment you’re miserable, walk out,” but as stubborn as we are, we don’t follow their simple piece of advice!  Every relationship has its ups and downs, and you’re bound to feel miserable and sad sometimes, that’s how life is.  If, however, you spend an entire year crying yourself to sleep every night, then something is seriously wrong and it’s about time that you followed your mother’s advice!

Thou Shalt Not Act Without Love

In Buddhism “right action” is strongly emphasized.  So what is “right action”?  It is defined as “acting without expecting anything in return.”  I am very well aware that this isn’t the easiest thing to do.  However, when you love someone, you enjoy doing whatever it takes to please him or her, regardless of how exhausting it is for you.  So, the moment you stop acting with love, a major issue is at hand and you need to sit down, think clearly and analyze your actions and motivations.  If you find yourself acting just because you “have to” or “need to” as opposed to because you “want to,” then you are acting without love, which is a big no-no!

When it’s right there’s no doubt about it…it’s like trying on a dress that fits perfectly and clings to all the right places.  And when it’s wrong, it’s like trying on an oh-so-fabulous gown that you’re supposed to love but don’t, and for some reason you don’t really know why…it just feels wrong.  So, other than watching our for the “sins,” also follow your gut feeling, be honest with yourself and listen to your inner voice.

Just a Thought… (7)

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.” - Anonymous

“Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.”- David Borenstein

“The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence; not in silence, but restraint.”-Marianne Moore

We always talk about feelings…”I feel this” or “I feel that”…and I’ve noticed that when someone talks about the way he or she feels, a certain glimmer of light appears in the speaker’s eyes, especially when it comes to love.

When we encounter a strong emotion…when we truly feel it, it sweeps over us; it turns our world upside down, even if only for a moment…we feel truly alive.

When it comes to love, however, some people claim that they can “control” their feelings.  The first time I heard this from a guy friend of mine I couldn’t stop laughing.  Personally, I think it’s ridiculous.  Nevertheless, over the past month I’ve heard this idea of “controlling one’s feelings” at least three times from three different people.  Now, I no longer find it a ridiculous idea; it has turned into a scary technique.  When faced with a strong emotion towards another person, some of us “freak out.”  The latter can be attributed to numerous reasons, but speaking from what I’ve dealt with, all the reasons fall under one large umbrella, namely fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of disappointment, fear of getting hurt…and the list goes on.  But what is going on?  Are people really that scared to take a leap and risk it all for the one they love?  Whatever happened to “love conquers all”?  Yes, it’s an overused statement, but there must be a reason behind why it’s been quoted so many times!  The fact is, I don’t believe that feelings have an “on” and “off” switch.  I, for one, embrace every single feeling I have, and I think that makes me more alive than someone who doesn’t.  As for those who claim that they are able to control their feelings, in my opinion, that’s just garbage.  Feelings are not rational.  They belong to the heart, not to the mind, and thus are not subject to over thinking, rationalizing and/or distortion…as long as you allow your heart to control them.  Even if you don’t…even if you force yourself to deny a certain feeling because “it’s the right thing to do,” it will resurface–sooner or later–and its strength will be multiplied (trust me on that one), so there’s really no point in running away from it, or suppressing it, from the start.  I believe that everything happens for a reason.  If you start to “feel” something, it’s for a reason, suppressing it is going against it, and thus going against nature…which will definitely do more harm to you on the long run, as opposed to the short-lived harm it will do to the person you’re so scared to allow your feelings to surface for.  My advice to you: embrace your feelings, because if they’re meant to be there they will not disappear, even if you tell yourself that they’re under control.  It’s definitely better to deal with them now rather than pushing them away; if you do, you will only find yourself flooded with them when the time is no longer right.

The Present is a Gift

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – The Buddha

How many of us truly live in the present moment?  I’m pretty sure that if I asked this question in a crowded room, I’ll hear over a hundred “I dos” during the ten seconds following my utterance of the query.  But…if I ask them to think again, and throw in the words “past” and “future,” I’ll probably catch most people observing the others in the room, waiting to see what their answers will be.  Then, I’ll probably get five “I dos,” and that’s if I’m lucky!  

The truth is, only about a handful of us live in the present.  Most of us dwell on the past or dream of the future.  We waste our days overanalyzing, coming up with assumptions based on past experiences or destructive thoughts, and thus “shaping” our future–or at least that’s what we think we’re doing.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should drop the past and the future completely…I’m just asking you not to live your life based on them.  Think about it, the past is dead…literally…that’s why it’s called passed…it is gone! As for the future…it doesn’t even exist yet; the moment it comes into existence it becomes…guess what…the present!  

A few years ago, I was criticized for being too analytical and basing my decisions on assumptions, which I now see was definitely wrong.  Maybe I was scared of getting hurt…or disappointing my mother…whatever the unconscious reason was at the time, I wasn’t able to enjoy the present moment because I was too concerned with the future!  Again, I’m not telling you to drop the future completely.  I for one do live in the present, I truly enjoy every moment of it, but at the same time, I sort of have a four-year-plan with respect to my career and educational development, for example.  And in my opinion, the latter does not conflict with the former.  

I must say, I didn’t realize I changed so much in terms of how I lived my life until a few weeks ago when I got into a discussion with the same person who–a few year back–criticized me for “thinking too much,” and “basing decisions on assumptions.”  Ironically, now the tables have turned and that very same person is the one making decisions (on his own) based on assumptions.  I have to admit though, that his assumptions aren’t out of the blue…they could be right, but they could also be wrong…time’s a blabber and the truth will eventually come out…but for now, what’s so wrong with enjoying the present while we have it?  In the middle of our conversation it hit me: if he continues to base his risk-free life on assumptions to avoid hurt or disappointment, then he will never live his life to the fullest…simply because a life that is 100 percent risk free, isn’t really an exciting or interesting one, and on the long run, he will probably look back and realize that he forced himself to loose quite a lot…and honestly, I don’t want that to happen to him, or anyone who chooses to live his or her life in that same manner.  

Strategic planning and analysis is sometimes needed–in my opinion–in terms of career, education and financial issues to ensure security.  However, when it comes to close relationships, friendships, trips…i.e. the fun things in life, living in the present is (again, in my opinion) the better option.  Yes, there might be disappointments, heartache and tears…but there might also be happiness, smiles and joy.  And, to be honest with you, I’d rather risk getting hurt than preventing my self from falling in love…I’d rather risk getting disappointed than preventing myself from understanding the true meaning of “trust.”  

Always remember, the present is a “gift,” that’s why it’s called the present. 

A is for Appreciation & B is for Beauty

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumblebee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”- Ashley Simth

Sometimes our lives don’t go as smoothly as we’d like them to.  We get into an argument with our partners, parents, friends, co-workers…or we just happen to wake up on the wrong side of the bed…it happens!  When any of the latter happens, most of us find ourselves having a “bad day,” which sometimes turns into a bad week, a bad month or even a bad year!  Did you ever wonder why a small incident sometimes blows up and ruins the entire day, if not more than that?  It’s pretty simple, actually.  When something annoys or bugs us, we tend to dwell on it (as human beings), we let it affect our mood and thus nothing seems to go right; we fail to see the beauty in anything…we start taking the positive elements in our lives for granted and we zoom in on the one negative thing, allowing it to grow and thus ruin almost every positive thing.  

I know people who not only allow a small argument to completely ruin their day, but even get sick because of it, and I’m talking headaches, coughs, vomiting…and the list goes on.  If you’re one of those people you’re in serious trouble.  Why?  Well, for starters, you’re ruining your health, and secondly, when you take the positives for granted, they will be taken away from you–and, of course, that’s when you’ll realize you lost them, or that they even existed in the first place!  

I’m not one to preach that you should “count your blessings,” because, honestly, when I’m in a bad mood, that’s the last thing I want to hear (even though it’s true, one should be grateful for what one has).  What I do, however, suggest you should do, is very simple: stop and look for a second; observe your surroundings and “force” yourself to see the beauty around you (as hard as it may seem sometimes).  Allow me to clarify my suggestion: on my way to work or school, one of the following scenarios can take place (on a “bad day”): A. I complain (to myself) about running late, complain that my driver doesn’t smell too good, complain that the traffic is horrible, complain that the radio host is annoying, complain that the driver in the car next to me can’t drive properly, complain that the pedestrians are morons, complain that my phone is ringing off the hook, complain that my best friend isn’t understanding…and the list goes on.  Then, when I do get to work, complain (of course) that no one’s doing what they’re supposed to be doing, complain that my boss is over demanding and complain that the office boy can’t make a decent cup of coffee.  On my way home, I complain that traffic is bad, complain that I have a headache, complain that my parents ask too many questions and complain that my feet hurt.  I get home, take a shower and go straight to bed.  The definition of a “bad day.”  Now…let’s take a look at scenario B.  I’m running a bit late, but it’s honestly not that big of a deal (as long as it’s not an hour), I walk out of my house, take a deep breath, and look at the beautiful purple flowers growing over my garage and spot a tiny butterfly making its way through the petals. I then get into the car, spray some perfume to cover up the driver’s cigarette breath, listen to my iPod and sing along to my favorite tune in my head; as I do that, I look out the window at the clear blue sky and the shining sun. If I see a few animals on the street (dogs, cats, horses, donkeys…) I smile (yes, I love animals).  I try not to focus on the traffic, and instead of letting pedestrians annoy me, I actually let them pass…not many people do that, so why not help out a woman carrying two kids and trying to balance a huge sack on her head?  I get to work and smile at my boss and co-workers, and if my coffee isn’t perfect, I just ask for more milk or sugar.  Then, on my way home, I look out the window and appreciate the sunset.  Once I’m home, I spend some time with my family then on the phone with my girlfriends, talking about relationship drama and figuring out “why he did this” or “why he said that,” then I take my shower and tuck myself into bed.

All I’m saying is, that it’s really up to you.  Yes, I’m aware that it’s not always that simple; some problems are more difficult to deal with than others.  But if you allow yourself to sink in an ocean of misery, you won’t be able to solve the initial problem, let alone the dozen you just added onto your list.  The more you practice, the more you’ll find yourself automatically noticing the beauty around you. So, force yourself to appreciate at least one beautiful thing everyday…it will make all the difference.

A Second Chance?

“I am here again, in a familiar place feeling something I've felt before, wondering why it's still here, why I didn't deal with it more fully before. But I'm glad I have a second chance at it ... and I know that if I need a third chance, I'll get it. I also know that if it comes up again, I'll recognize it sooner and deal with it more readily. This is growth. And, I am happy to be alive.” – Jan Denise

Why is it that a lot of people look down upon second chances?  If you give someone a second chance you are criticized for being “stupid,” “weak,” “desperate” or “confused”; words like “hopeful,” “optimistic,” and “strong” don’t often come into the equation…my question is why?

I never used to believe in second chances, simply because like the majority of you out there I thought of them as time-wasters.  Nevertheless, over the past few months, I’ve come to understand the importance and value of giving others–as well as ourselves–second chances.  Of course, the latter is not always applicable.  So when should you not give someone a second chance?  For starters, if that person hasn’t changed–and you haven’t either–then clearly, there’s no point because if both of you are exactly the same, then–obviously–the end result will be the same as well.  If however, even one of you changed, then a second chance may be your best option.  Furthermore, if both of you are more or less still the same but the circumstances changed (assuming in this case the they were the main impediment), then–again–a second chance is worth a shot.

Now that I got that out of the way, back to my initial question: why do “second chances” have a rather negative connotation?  I personally believe that one who is willing to give it a second try (if not a third and fourth), is strong, courageous, hopeful and optimistic.  Those who choose not to even contemplate the idea of second chances are–most likely (and again, this is based on close observation–afraid…to get hurt, to get disappointed…and the list goes on; in short, the second-chance-giver isn’t the stupid or weak one, on the contrary, he or she is actually the stronger and wiser one (assuming that the case falls into one of the categories previously discussed).  

Keeping an open mind is key.  It also allows you to live your life to the fullest, welcome new (and renewed) experiences, makes you more tolerant and understanding, and definitely makes you see things from numerous aspects, as opposed to he or she that is solely focused on one strict path for whatever reason.

Of course, if I directly ask one of the many who choose to not keep an open mind and refrain from giving second chances for the hell of it, why that is the case, they will most likely not say “I’m afraid.”  Instead, they’ll claim to be “wise for learning from past mistakes,” and “intelligent for not wasting (their) time.”  For me, that’s definitely hiding behind a veil.  I’m not saying that the subject is lying; in most cases I believe that he or she isn’t even aware of the matter!  When we get hurt, we find it very difficult to “let go.”  Even if we claim to have gotten over it, the truth always shines forth through our actions (and not to mention, our eyes as well).  The latter is the reason why I understand that for some people it’s very difficult to keep an open mind and allow for second chances to take place; they’ve been hurt before (maybe more than once) and thus will do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening again.  They build a wall to keep themselves safe…but…don’t they realize that by walling themselves in, they’re also walling everyone else out?  

If we don’t allow ourselves to feel…if we don’t allow ourselves to experience intense emotions…then we aren’t really alive, are we?

The Four Golden Keys

“The keys to a successful relationship are respect and tolerance,” a friend of mine once told me.  Come to think about it, I have to agree, but I would have to add two more keys, namely patience and communication.  Furthermore, I would like to replace “tolerance” with “understanding,” because based on my friend’s definition, that is probably what he meant.  Before I go on with this piece, I need to make something clear: I am not solely talking about intimate or romantic relationships (although I do believe that–in Egypt at least–they need the four keys more than anything!) but also friendships, relationships between co-workers, family members…practically any human-human relationship. Furthermore, the criticisms I make are based on my close observation of several couples and groups of people in different settings.

Key #1: Respect

“The only society that works today is also one founded on mutual respect, on a recognition that we have a responsibility collectively and individually, to help each other on the basis of each other's equal worth. A selfish society is a contradiction in terms.”- Tony Blair

Generally speaking, I find that people misunderstand the word “respect.”  I asked ten people how they would define “respect,” and nine of them said “it means not insulting another person or offending them (in a verbal or physical manner).”  The latter is true, and yet it is inaccurate and incomplete.  We often narrow down disrespect to insults.  But that’s not necessarily the only case.  Often, disrespect goes unnoticed and unrecognized.  Cases of putting down the Other, “indirectly” offending him or her through non-verbal communication or verbal cues, disregarding what the Other says, looking down upon the Other are all examples of serious disrespect, which–even if not really noticed in all cases–have even a worse effect that the obvious insults.  Without respect, numerous problems arise, leading to miscommunication, frustration, anger, and eventually, even the termination of the relationship as a whole. Mind you, just because you’re upset or in a bad mood, it does not give you the right to disrespect another person.

Key #2: Understanding

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”- Dale Carnegie

I find understanding to be one of the more difficult keys to turn.  We all have our differences…we all have our advantages and disadvantages.  Nevertheless, when faced with a fence on the road, we have to options: we can either turn around and walk back or jump over it, it’s really up to you.  If you choose to turn around then that’s the end of it, you simply can’t deal with whatever flaw the other person has, and that’s fine.  If, however, you choose to remain close to that person, you need to understand him or her.  Understanding can only come through communication, another key that I’ll discuss later on in this article.  Furthermore, enforcing your opinions or views on another person A. is a form of disrespect and B. is farthest away from understanding.  Again, you’ll be practically poisoning the relationship.  If the Other feels that you constantly don’t understand him or her, or that you’re not even trying to, he or she will walk away.  Remember, nobody’s perfect, so don’t expect perfection…and trust me, neither are you!

Key #3: Patience

“Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.” - Titus Maccius Plautus

I love that word, for many reasons really…but I love how people throw it around and always ask you to “be patient,” while–most likely–they themselves do not posses this quality.  We are always in a rush…we have deadlines to meet, appointments to catch and a million things to do every day.  When we need to wait in line for ten minutes we fidget after the first two!  Patience is either a gift or it is acquired, but–speaking from experience–very few people are born with that quality.  You truly need to train yourself and it’s definitely worth it.  How many times did you almost (if not completely) ruin a relationship of some sort because you acted in a horrible way due to your impatience?  You didn’t think twice about what you were saying to that other person and you ended up scarring them for life?  I’m sure it happened more than once…sometimes you don’t even notice it until it happens to you.  So slow down, take a deep breath, and think wisely; don’t overanalyze, just give yourself more than a second to think!

Key #4: Communication

“Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”- Rollo May 

Speaking from personal experience, I believe that good communication is vital…and, unfortunately, lacking as well.  When it comes to couples (especially) one person does most of the talking and almost none of the listening, enforcing his or her views without listening to the Other’s response.  A typical case of miscommunication, leading up to frustration, anger and tears.  When I asked the same bunch of people about whether they believe that they communicate properly or not, most of them replied “we talk about how we spend our day…you know, the basic stuff.”  Well, that to me is not synonymous with good communication; that equals homework!  Good communication includes, number one, LISTENING.  Listening to problems, dreams, aspirations, silly comments and then REPLYING based on what has been said.  The more important of the two is definitely “listening.” Most people never listen; they enjoy talking and don’t allow others to indulge in that same activity they love so much.  So remember, “listening” is the bigger part of the key, without “listening,” good and proper communication cannot exist.  

Mask Off!

“Most people are other people.  Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar Wilde

Many of us have uttered one of these phrases at one point or another “I know myself,” “what you see is what you get,” and of course “this is who I am, take it or leave it.”  Think again.  Did you really mean what you think you meant?  Seriously, how many of us truly know ourselves? How many of us present the true image of ourselves?  And how many of us really mean it when we say “this is who I am”? 

Unfortunately, most of us fall victims to the demands and wishes of the Other.  The Other can be synonymous with parents, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés, husbands, wives, bosses…and the list goes on.  We live our lives according to their wants and needs…out of fear?  Maybe. Out of the desire to please?  Sounds like another valid option.  Because it’s the easy way out…no struggles, fights or arguments?  Could be.  Whatever, the reason may be, we waste our days trying to stick to rules and values that–in most cases–aren’t really ours, and…in the end…we become a carbon copy of whoever it is we’re adhering to.  What’s worse is, unfortunately, that we feel trapped and we end up hating ourselves.  We get caught in a vicious cycle, which is when we realize it’s too late to change (or at least that’s what we think at that point).  

I’m not telling you to necessarily break the rules and argue your way out of everything, I’m just telling you to allow yourself to grow into the beautiful person that you’re supposed to be.  You are unique, special and a miracle...you have to believe in that with all your heart.  If God wanted us all to be the same he wouldn’t have given us different brains and hearts to do otherwise!  I don’t want to get to spiritual or philosophical so I’ll just use a very simple example to illustrate my argument.  

Upon graduating from high school, most parents want their children to declare majors that will “ensure” financial stability in the future; i.e. Business Administration, Engineering, Architecture and Medicine.  Not all parents love the idea of Literature, Philosophy and Art.  Correct?  Again, this is not based on assumptions, rather on close observation and personal experience.  At this point, the student has a choice, he or she declares his/her major based on the parents’ wishes or sticks to what he or she truly loves, and I believe that if you don’t love what you do for a living, the money’s never going to come.  Of course, if the student is really into Engineering and that echoes his dad’s wishes, then great!  But if not, then we have a problem.  

That’s just a simple example, but it says a lot.  I know people who live their entire lives this way, aiming solely to please and avoid conflict, and thus completely diminishing their existence and turning into either A. a copy of the Other or B. the actualization of the Other’s dreams; in short, anything but him or herself. 

Take a look around you…at the office, at school…wherever you are.  You’ll probably find only a handful of people who are truly passionate about their job or their field of study…those are the lucky ones who are on the path of self-discovery…they are growing and are molding themselves as they go along.  Then…there you have the sad majority…those who drag themselves out of bed every morning already hoping that the day would end; those are the ones who completely lost themselves in the midst of the desires, dreams and aspirations of the Other.

Nevertheless, it is never too late to start growing.  Even if you think your time has passed, as long as you realize what went wrong or what you’re still doing wrong, you’re already half-way through.  Just go ahead, take a deep breath, take off your mask, and start living your life in accordance with your beliefs, your desires and your dreams.